I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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