garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
