you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
