apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
