$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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