Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
