i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
