I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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