Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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