a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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