The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
