I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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