Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
