He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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