Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize