Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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