DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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