there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
