Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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