can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
