I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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