The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
