i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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