Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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