There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
