don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
