Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
