Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
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I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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