god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You can't just leave with hair like that
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
