we have pet lesbian snakes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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