I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
