things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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