I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
