I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
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Do I have a choice?
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Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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