Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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