In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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