No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
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I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
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You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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