week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Ketchup is God's man juice
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
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You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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