Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
