barbara walters just said penis...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
