her vagine was all disorganized.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
