ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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