We won't sleep together?
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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