I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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