I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just saw a hot homeless man
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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