If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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