apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
