well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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