The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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