i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
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Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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