It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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