Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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