Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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