I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize