I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
