have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
