I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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