The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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