I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize