Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
