I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
