i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
